DAM U MUM

[Only read this post if you are already not in the mood, i dont wish to spoil my readers' mood]
wheres those words i want? what happened to "gud gurl", "waa.. ur working hard girl!" WHAT HAPPNED TO THEM? i'm dying to hear those words... why must u hit me with the direct opposite? i've studied continuously for 8 hours... the only break was lunch... jus becus henry wanted to show me something on internet.. delayed his bathing by 15min.. u came out blasting " WHAT? HAVEN BATHE? PLAY PLAY PLAY,NOT EVEN STUDYING! U'LL BE THE DEATH OF ME! " and without further hesitation.. u clicked off the broadband... what the fuck is wrong with u mum? u don even care if i had any unsave info i nid in my studies.. and u jus.. clicked the internet off.. what the heck... my geog info.. all gone.. how do i trace it back..? jus becus he delayed his bathing by 15 MINUTES.. u blasted at me like a mad ass.. U THINK IM NOT A HUMAN? i have this heart.. all u r doing is jus firing holes and piercing it... indirectly abusing ur authority.. i don even have a chance to voice out how i feel.. i say sth.. u tink i'm toking bak.. what the heck is WRONG with u mum?!

Have u any idea how i cried my heart out while bathing? that's the only time and place i could scream n shout.. the bathroom.. i turned on the water.. and tears poured out.. water with water.. thats the only way i can cry my heart out.. without anyone knowing im doing so.. and i know YOU are never interested in what i say.. never ever interested in thinking how i feel.. i have been hurt physically.. by school stress.. mentally and physically hurt.. what i wan last is to have the support and love of someone else.. e.g. my family.. but i noe its impossible.. i knew that TODAY! now i have emotional stress and pain.. that's what u tink is good for me.. some extra stress will make me wanna study hard.. succeed in life.. all the ding dongs dats going on in ur brain.. mum.. if u continue thinking like this.. i may one day pull my hair off.. give up studying and scream everyday... scream OUT all THE things THAT i HAD wanted TO SCREAM out SINCE years AGO. if u ever read this.. i'll be glad.. everytime u scold me.. i wan to say even a sorry.. u will tink im trying to tok bak.. i never had a chance to apologise. never... now i know.. as long as i shut up when u scold me.. i will stay alive.. that has turned into one of my survival procedures.. do u know? of cuz not.. u never cared to know...

some people might think im not matured enough to know my mum is doing that for my own good.. i noe this.. out of 10001 times she scolded me.. i knew all was for my own good.. but whats the point of it? all she does is continue scolding.. if she ever talked to me nicely.. even once in my entire life.. about sth i did wrong.. jus tell me nicely.. and i will only think " i will change, im sory mum ". my heart is fully destroyed... today.. mum.. i hope u realise.. through the tears i shed..