I agree that semester one I didn't put in my all into my studies... I agree that my result brought nth but disappointment to my parents... as the year passes... I know myself.. I work harder and harder.. wherever I don't understand I consult people... People that are willing to help a weakling like me.... but so what? Once somebody cannot cope with it... It's hard to change that fact... On the outside, I did screw my exams? So what? All you adults ask me is to reflect upon my MISTAKES, was it because I played too much computer? Was it because I didn't feel like studying?
How I wish right now... Someone else... even if its my brother who can do nothing to change my results... Someone would take the time and even bother to ask me... "Did you try your best?" That is the only true way I can understand the big mistake I've made and Change myself from there... what's the point of being to pessimistic about my results? I still have to reflect upon and change for the better! Why won't anyone ask me that? Why? How can I change my studying attitude if its really THAT BAD into someone better, if no one out there will ask me whether I've done my best in a nice and caring tone. Nobody really understands me out there...
Mum always thinks I play too much.. I don't take my studies seriously.. that's how I ended up screwed.. but why did I get screwed? It's because no one ever said anything in a kind way that will really affect me a great deal and decide to really change for the better... Even right now as I'm crying in hyperventilation mode... all you do is say "Why're you crying now? You know best yourself you play too much!" I can't take it anymore... Why do you never say what I want you to say? "Have you tried your best?" WHY?
This is the sccond time I've been so close to wanting to end everything.. to just end my life and hope that God will give me a second chance to change everything...
Is 2.5 that bad? I don't think so... what is wrong with me and you? Frankly speaking, I do not know...
I don't want to screw it myself... I know I've done my best for E.O.Ys... thats all that matters to me now.. Nothing else matters anymore. Somehow I'm greatful to Grace... she got 2.4 yet she's still optimistic about it... her mother and brother and everyone else understands her.. I'm so damn jealous.... I don't know how much longer I can survive in such a corrupted world.. nothing ever turns out the way I want them to... Such precious words I want to hear... Maybe they'll never come out of the people I wish for to say them...
No matter how great my achievements.. as long as I'm not around the top.. she'll never be satisfied.. who says I'm not disappointed with my results? Why am I crying? The reason is so damn obvious...
I HATE my results.. U know very well I hate them more than you...
If People I trust so much can't even trust me.. I don't know how I'm gonna survive this anymore...
Gee.. I wanted so much to prove myself to them of my determination.. but my results and motivation completely destroyed me...
Oh man.. I wanna die.
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