issit really my fault?

I agree that semester one I didn't put in my all into my studies... I agree that my result brought nth but disappointment to my parents... as the year passes... I know myself.. I work harder and harder.. wherever I don't understand I consult people... People that are willing to help a weakling like me.... but so what? Once somebody cannot cope with it... It's hard to change that fact... On the outside, I did screw my exams? So what? All you adults ask me is to reflect upon my MISTAKES, was it because I played too much computer? Was it because I didn't feel like studying?

How I wish right now... Someone else... even if its my brother who can do nothing to change my results... Someone would take the time and even bother to ask me... "Did you try your best?" That is the only true way I can understand the big mistake I've made and Change myself from there... what's the point of being to pessimistic about my results? I still have to reflect upon and change for the better! Why won't anyone ask me that? Why? How can I change my studying attitude if its really THAT BAD into someone better, if no one out there will ask me whether I've done my best in a nice and caring tone. Nobody really understands me out there...

Mum always thinks I play too much.. I don't take my studies seriously.. that's how I ended up screwed.. but why did I get screwed? It's because no one ever said anything in a kind way that will really affect me a great deal and decide to really change for the better... Even right now as I'm crying in hyperventilation mode... all you do is say "Why're you crying now? You know best yourself you play too much!" I can't take it anymore... Why do you never say what I want you to say? "Have you tried your best?" WHY?

This is the sccond time I've been so close to wanting to end everything.. to just end my life and hope that God will give me a second chance to change everything...

Is 2.5 that bad? I don't think so... what is wrong with me and you? Frankly speaking, I do not know...

I don't want to screw it myself... I know I've done my best for E.O.Ys... thats all that matters to me now.. Nothing else matters anymore. Somehow I'm greatful to Grace... she got 2.4 yet she's still optimistic about it... her mother and brother and everyone else understands her.. I'm so damn jealous.... I don't know how much longer I can survive in such a corrupted world.. nothing ever turns out the way I want them to... Such precious words I want to hear... Maybe they'll never come out of the people I wish for to say them...

No matter how great my achievements.. as long as I'm not around the top.. she'll never be satisfied.. who says I'm not disappointed with my results? Why am I crying? The reason is so damn obvious...

I HATE my results.. U know very well I hate them more than you...

If People I trust so much can't even trust me.. I don't know how I'm gonna survive this anymore...

Gee.. I wanted so much to prove myself to them of my determination.. but my results and motivation completely destroyed me...

Oh man.. I wanna die.

Class photo of 2A (2007)

Hais! So soon.. it's gonna be the end of Class 2A o'2007! T_T" I'm starting to miss the things we've done together for the past few years alrdy! xD

Hais.. this is probably the 2nd last photo we'll be taking together! Hopefully we'll take one more during the class chalet in Dec.. T___T" Ahh! Sec 3 next year and we'll be separated.. will the bond we hold these past two years stay strong? We're not the most bonded class but at least we put an effort to stay together! ;D And yeah! I managed to look not-that-fat in our 2nd last photo together! ;D Wees! But I look kinda weird with that fringe and my hair tied inside a photo x.x" Its so... not ME-ness! X_O"

I'll sooo miss those damn-ed drawings on the noticeboard! I drew them at the start of the year larh! They're so precious.. looking at them every single day together with everyone else ;X But sad to say.. there are still ppl in class who don't know that those were drawn by me -_-lll ARGHS! where'd the credits go? T___T" sobZ

Btw.. Im currently starting to draw my manga entitled "Rorrim". I'm going to sign up an account on devianART.. to accept harsh and pleasant comments on my work xD For people who are interested to view my work... go to http://www.deviantart.com !! XD! When I've placed my work there.. I'll give my gallery link < 33 YAYYS~~ xD! 4th page is about to be done... Mangakas at school told me the first 3 pages were not bad! woots =X Look forward to its progress! xD

NEW HANDPHONE!

Wooots! Todae is like.. the happiest day or my life? xD (haven't experienced Monday, so.. Ionno! ;X) My mum signed the contract! WOOTS! My darling sony ericsson W580i is FINALLY MINEEE...!!!! XP WOOOOT! WOOT~ =X

I spent S$39.90 on a new white bag... I spend S$49.90 on a new black skirt... I spent S$22.90 on a new blouse... I spent S$45.90 on a new white-strapped heels (not high)... WOOOTS! xD I LOVE MY MOTHER SO MUCH! without her...! money will never have existed! =x My very important and personal ATM! ;D today yea.. was a shopping craz!

I'm gonna look so dam different on Monday ;X (I think) xD The new phone can add pictures to my blog straightaway! So damn cool! x.x" LOLZ... I reallly reallly DID NOT regret getting this phone! ITS SO DARN GOOD XD! Happy- Happy- Happy-!

No more T-shirts! No more Knee-Length Pants! GOODBYE YOU ALL IDIOTS! AHHAHAHAHA! XD -feng diao le-

&& I'm so proud of myself! Today my family ate ice cream! I am so shocked at myself that I resisted my daddy's temptation! WOOTS! EVERYONE! I RESISTED ICE----CREAM! XD This is so amazing O.O" AWWW~!! x3

I'm abit crazy.. juz ignore ;X *kisses phone, bag, shoe, skirt, blouse*

JIE IS BACK!

ZOMG OMG OMG!!! SNOW JIE DAISUKI DESU!!!!!! T.T" I missed you like hell... where have u been the past 5 months? T~T There's many things tt happened and I wanna talk to u about D; awws... time pass so fast! Its been half a year! How are you? I finally got to see you.. everytime I stare at your display name "blue princess jaslyn", I kept thinking back.. it's been almost 3 years huh? ;) U're one of the longest knowing friend i ever had! >.<" aww... How I wish I could travel back in time.. the year that passed 2 years ago is the year I enjoyed the most!

Time passes so fast >.<" Its so nice to reminisce... D; Snow Jie I love you so much T~T" I don't know if u'll ever read this but... D; I jus have to say all these out!!! My most treasured online buddies.. u're definitely one of them! Well~ after so long I'm glad u still rmb all the minor details about me >.<" Proves that during those 5 mths w/o internet.. I was never forgotten D;

Thank you for returning! thank you!!! I don't know how long I would have to stare at the "offline" sign... I'm so glad! ;D JIE WELCOME BACK! ;D <333>

Exams over!!

This is one of the 15 characters frm the manga that I have in mind LOLz.. name is rorrim kai.. manga name is also Rorrim Lmao... For people who know about it.. yea good ;X Rorrim is Mirror spelt backwards on purpose xD

Sigh.. yea.. I think my guys still dun look like guys.. Lydia said they looked half-feminine SOBS D; so heartbroken D; I put alot of effort in them though >.<" sigh T.T" I'll just treat it as my room for improvement is HUGE!

Exams are over! and YAYs~~~!!! HOHO xD Tmr's the start of PSLE I heard =x Good luck for those taking PSLE! and those who are taking E-O-Ys soon or in progress! GAMBATTE! x]] I've never been so relaxed in my life XD But I seriously don't know what to do.. >.>" anyone have any anime to recommend? Aiks >.>" x.x"

Hope I don't screw my language papers... Pls God :( I dunno if I can fulfil my future promise to my parents anymore.. x.x" help~ feeling vexed even though its after exams... save me! :(